All week, we’ve been nursing. No more pump. Joey has seemed to nurse better, but he still seems confused about what to do with his tongue some of the time. I stretch his frenotomy incision so that it will heal “opened” instead of closing back up and limiting his tongue again, several times a day. I try to do “suck exercises” with him, but he normally doesn’t participate.
Thursday, we went to the chiropractor again to get him all adjusted and in alignment. His T4-T5 area was still tight, but not as bad as it was before. The DC said everything else was a lot better and looser than before, too.
Friday, we went to the doctor for the well-baby visit we had scheduled ages ago. (Anneliese also had an appointment.)
From his frenotomy on Friday to his weight check Tuesday, he hadn’t gained (or lost) weight. We had decided to try nursing more, and to weigh again Friday to see if he would get better at sucking and swallowing. I had high hopes. He seemed happy (but this isn’t new) and occasionally would let me know if he was hungry, and I would give him a bottle at that time. He pooped every morning.
Still, his suck was often disorganized, and he would still lose suction, “popping” before re-latching… not good things.
So his weight gain wasn’t enough. Just a couple of ounces.
The doctor used terms that frustrated me, not for myself, because I’m determined and educated about breastfeeding and know what my options are. But for other moms who might be going through the same thing. He used phrases like, “maybe your milk isn’t good enough this time” (Excuse me? And that would explain his great gains while bottle-feeding 95% my own expressed milk, how?), talked about fortifying my breast milk to make it higher-calorie, feeding rice cereal, and using formula.
I told him (nicely) that I’d like to stick to breast milk until he is 6 months so that his gut can develop fully and he’ll be better-prepared for digesting food, but that if I were to give him food at this point, it wouldn’t be empty-calorie rice cereal. It would probably be mashed sweet potatoes, carrots, avocados, bananas. Even the AAP recognizes that feeding rice cereal is just a “cultural tradition” in the US, and that there’s really no reason to start with rice.
I also pointed out that formula is #4 on the WHO infant feeding hierarchy, after breast milk from the mother, expressed breast milk from the mother, and breast milk from another human. I told him I had a wonderful friend who would provide Joseph with donor milk (which I had already mentioned to him), and that formula wasn’t an option for us. (After that, he stopped bringing it up.)
From the World Health Organization:
18. The vast majority of mothers can and should breastfeed, just as the vast majority of infants can
and should be breastfed. Only under exceptional circumstances can a mother’s milk be considered
unsuitable for her infant. For those few health situations where infants cannot, or should not, be
breastfed, the choice of the best alternative – expressed breast milk from an infant’s own mother,
breast milk from a healthy wet-nurse or a human-milk bank, or a breast-milk substitute fed with a cup*,
which is a safer method than a feeding bottle and teat – depends on individual circumstances.19. For infants who do not receive breast milk, feeding with a suitable breast-milk substitute – for
example an infant formula prepared in accordance with applicable Codex Alimentarius standards, or a
home-prepared formula with micronutrient supplements – should be demonstrated only by health
workers, or other community workers if necessary, and only to the mothers and other family members
who need to use it; and the information given should include adequate instructions for appropriate
preparation and the health hazards of inappropriate preparation and use. Infants who are not breastfed,
for whatever reason, should receive special attention from the health and social welfare system since
they constitute a risk group.*Note from me: I have tried cup feeding, finger-feeding with a syringe, and spoon-feeding Joseph. He cannot use those methods at this time. Most of the milk comes right back out of his mouth when I try those.
After our appointment, I met with the IBCLC and tried to figure out a good plan. We chatted a bit and ended up deciding I would continue nursing Joseph, but use an SNS to supplement 6-8 ounces a day (2 ounces at a time, supplementing 3-4 feedings per day, the rest “bare”).
But after about an hour, I got a phone call from her. She had talked with the doctor and our plan wasn’t “acceptable” to him. He expressed his significant concern, and didn’t want us to “lose any more time” with helping Joey gain. And honestly, I wasn’t super confident about the SNS idea either, because of Joey’s uncoordinated suck/swallow… I wasn’t sure if he would be able to use it properly.
Maybe he also thought more about my comments regarding Joey’s disorganized mouth movements, because he also put in a referral for us to see a GI specialist to check for oral motor dysfunction. Since I’m going out of town soon, they called around and pulled strings, and we already have an appointment without having to wait for Tricare to approve it.
So I am exclusively pumping again. My amazing friend is helping me with more milk this time, and I will be pumping a little bit less than before… more like every 3 hours instead of every 2, and no more power pumping. It’s just far too draining.
This is my first pumping session after a long break of no pumping… over 4 ounces, combined, in the middle of the day. I was glad to see that nursing Joseph and Anneliese in the last week had at least maintained my milk production, even if it wasn’t enough to “grow Joey” significantly.
Right now, we’re testing out a schedule of naps, waking times, eating, and pumping. I’m trying to feed him frequently, in amounts he can tolerate… we experimented with bigger bottles last time (3.5 ounces instead of 3) and he ended up spitting up a bit more… though it seems like he can handle a little bit more at bedtime without spitting up.
Basically, it’s some variation of this throughout the day:
- Joey drinks a bottle, goes down for a nap.
- I pump.
- We wake Joey an hour and a half later, and he has a mini-bottle.
- Joey is awake for an hour and a half, playing, etc.
- Joey drinks a bottle, goes down for a nap.
Then, he can wake 1-2 times through the night and get a bottle, and I will pump, but I’m not setting alarms to wake up this time… I will wake when he does, and pump when he has a bottle. If he wakes 2 times that’s a “bonus,” getting more milk into him, but 1 time would still give him a good total intake for the day.
So, this is happening.
But I’m still trying to do some of this. Even though nursing won’t “count” for total intake records since we can’t measure how much he gets… I nursed him today after my shower, and he did get in some good gulps. When I pumped, I only got an ounce instead of the 3 I expected for that time of day, so he at least transferred some.
And the snuggles were so nice.
And I’m letting Anneliese nurse AFTER I pump, also trying to arrange her nap times for post-pumping periods so she can nurse before sleeping if she wants to. It’s a really good way for us to “reconnect” when I am so focused on Joseph right now, and also has the bonus of keeping my supply up, since my body will think “oh the baby wanted more than that? Ok.” and try to make more for tomorrow.
In a few days, we’ll see the GI specialist and talk about what else could be going on. I’m not sure what else will happen after that…
I guess for my trip across the country, I’ll need to pack my rented hospital-grade pump (though the IBCLC said I would probably be okay with nursing through our travel days -in addition to giving him some bottles- but pumping while we are at our destination).
I’ll need to pack a cooler full of frozen milk from my friend in my carry-on (and hopefully not have to battle security too much over it), since I’m not pumping 100% of what he needs to take in right now (again, pumping isn’t the same as nursing… if he were nursing effectively, he would be getting more than what I’m able to pump). I’ll need to take bottles, and the bottle-brush, and so forth.
And I guess I’ll try to stay close to the condo where we are staying, for most of our visit. We will go out and get meals with family members, but not hang out for hours and hours… I’ll need to get back in order to pump, and the kids will need naps anyway. We can hang out on the beach (our condo is oceanfront!) but again, I’ll have to carefully time everything…
Of course we’ll go to my sister’s wedding and celebrate with her at her reception, but other than that, my focus will be on growing Joey. It has to be.
Hi! I'm Emily. I'm a Navy wife and stay at home mom of two beautiful children. I cook simple, delicious, grain-free recipes, do crafts, decorate my home on a budget, and keep a happy household. I tandem breastfeed, babywear, cloth diaper, practice elimination communication, homebirth, and co-sleep, but I'm not a hippie.
Hi! I found your blog through your [amazing] G-Whiz serious and have slowly been reading through your other posts. This may seem unrelated to this post, but I noticed Joey isn’t wearing G-Diapers, any particular reason? I’m looking forward to using them in the future thanks to your blog so I’m just curious. Thanks!
Have you looked into some probiotics for him? It might help him with assimilating nutrients more effectively, and perhaps he has a problem with abnormal gut flora. My youngest is on the smaller side too and actually is a strep carrier. He and my other son both have an autoimmune disease like rheumatic fever, that is triggered by strep. Before we started them on prophylactic antibiotics and probiotics, they were both very thin and bony, weak all the time If all else fails, try getting your son’s immune system checked out by an immunologist.You can request a check for immune deficiencies. He may possibly have some deficiencies you were unaware of. There is a great brand lots of people I know use, called Custom Probiotics, and I believe they have ones safe to give to babies. It is pricey, but top of the line. You might also want to see if he is able to have coconut milk, which can help fatten him up. It works wonders on my scrawny youngest child. I applaud you for breastfeeding for so long. Keep trying!
I wish I had kept up on reading your blog over the summer–I doubt I would have had any useful advice, but I have been through a lot of similar experiences, so I could at least commiserate.
I pumped exclusively for several weeks with my 1st because he was so lethargic that we had to wake him up with cold objects just to get him to take a bottle (of my milk), nevermind nursing at the breast. I received poor advice from a hospital IBCLC and spent hours researching on my own whilst pumping to figure out our positional/latching issues. It was hard, and the sleep deprivation from waking up every 2-3 hours to pump and practically force my son to eat was probably the worst part, but we got through it and he’s now a thriving 3 year old (still nursing, for that matter).
His trouble wasn’t a tongue tie, but my experience with exclusive pumping comes from him, so I very much sympathize with you. I can only imagine doing that with a toddler also needing attention! You are one busy and dedicated mother, and I commend you for that. It isn’t easy, but it sure feels worth it!
There are still moments when I think back and want to kick myself for not figuring out something was amiss sooner. Luckily, with my daughter I figured out her tongue tie within a matter of days. I had one myself, and had read up enough to realize the heart shape of her tongue was a good sign she had a tie, along with the popping on and off and near projectile-spit ups she kept having.
My oversupply, overactive let down and nursing toddler meant she got more than enough milk, but ultimately we had the tie clipped at about 2 months because the popping on and off was painful for me.
I am so glad you were able to figure out Joey’s tongue tie and get it taken care of, and I wish you luck in your continuing journey to help him grow big and strong at the breast. Isn’t it beautiful how your daughter’s continued nursing contributed to his well being? Reading that made me start to cry–it’s amazing the things we do for one another without even realizing. Keep up the hard work, and be sure to take care of yourself while also doing what you feel is best for your gorgeous children.
Your story is inspiring. Thank you for sharing it.
I am so so proud of the mother you are and all of your hardwork for that sweet baby. I follow you very closely on instagram but only recently discovered your blog as I actually found you on there. I comment to you often on there, my name is photogmom3 just so you can put 2 and 2 together.
my baby is almost 7 months old and is my 3rd child and my life is crazy… My husband is in Afghanistan, I homeschool and I own my own business and I’ve had SO many people try and convince me to just use formula to “make things easier on me” and the suggestions infuriated me on the inside and have made me that much more determined to do the best thing for my daughter and push through. Not to mention I LOVE breastfeeding and the thought of losing that with her is unthinkable. Anyway, I am just so proud of your perseverance and commitment to your baby. You are a prime example of what a mother should be. Not to mention your amazing knowledge on everything baby. I wish I were lucky enough to be your neighbor. What an amazing woman you are. So very happy to know you. Xoxo <3
I was wondering if he is getting craniosacral work? My son had a head shape very very much like Joey’s when he was a baby. I took him for CST and it helped a lot. I’m also wondering if Joey’s TT was revised far enough.
I’m wondering if it was clipped far enough too and will get a second opinion after my trip. No on the CST. There is a place an hour away that does it. Thinking about it… But that’s a long way. I was hoping chiro would be enough.
It’s hard to travel, but it could be well worth your while. Hope it all works out.
You are one hard working mama. As for taking breastmilk with you on the plane I’d suggest printing this out and keeping it with the milk. Then if they try and pull some crap you can just point to THEIR policies in WRITING: http://www.tsa.gov/travelers/airtravel/children/formula.shtm
Good luck!
I did a road trip with the twins when they were 3 months old and I was exclusively pumping. It was hard. I packed frozen milk as well (I wasn’t pumping enough) and bottles and and and. It’s easier to travel while EBF, but not impossible otherwise. Thank you for working so hard for your son. It’s worth it. I know you know that, but it might be good to hear regardless. I hope he gets more organized with his mouth movements and can figure this out because I know you don’t want your breastfeeding relationship to be over before it’s really even started. Big hugs mama. You’re
Doing so well.
Wow, I can’t believe how much trouble such a small part of the body can cause. I have an aunt with a severe tongue tie problem. It’s almost impossible to understand her when she talks, and we only recently found out what the problem was. So when I saw tongue tie mentioned in the first post, I was glued. I wasn’t surprised to find that I have it too. And so does my husband. I am currently 4 months pregnant with my first baby, and I want to breastfeed, so I am so glad you have posted about this issue. I’m definitely going to talk to my doctor about checking for this problem right away after the baby is born. Best of luck to you and Joey!
I also wonder if shipping the milk to your destination would be easier? You could take some with you, but not have to take nearly as much if you shipped some in advance, you know? When shipping under 150-200 oz, you will need to use dry ice and do it overnight. USPS is generally always cheapest, and it’s even cheaper if you weigh it at home and print the label at home (vs. weighing and getting the label in a USPS center).
You are doing a great job. Joey is lucky to have you (as is A!).
I wonder…
Instead of dealing with TSA about frozen milk, are you about to FedEx overnight it to your destination? If it is packed with dry ice and a foam cooler, it will stay frozen for the trip. I know it’s an extra cost, but may be worth it if you don’t have to stress about a maybe fight? I’ve had lots of milk shipped to me that way, so I know it works and stays frozen.
You are doing good, Mama. Promise.
Oh, honey, I’m so sorry you’ve been going through all of this, but I must say how amazing you are doing with making sure that he is getting what he needs. Attached tongue runs in my husband’s family (my hubby and his brother both had it, and it was never corrected), and we have several nieces and nephews that have had to have that same procedure. Emily, you’re such an amazing mom. And he’s already showing you how much better he’s doing. You have a huge group here that is cheering you on and we are all supporting you.
I’ve not commented yet because we talk and you know how I feel but I’m going to say it here now… You love your babies. You’re doing your best. The best is all you can do. I love you and your babies and I will pump for Joey forEVER if you need me to. 4 ounces. 8. 16. However much he needs. Balance is so important and you’re finding that. I’m proud of you for setting limitations for yourself so you don’t go completely mad being attached to your pump ALL DAY. Your dedication to feeding him your milk is beyond what many mommas would do. Joey will grow. Eventually he can thank you with words and not just smiles
xo
You’re a good momma! To dedicate this much time and care to ensure Joey is 100% breastfed is really inspiring. You should be very proud of all your efforts, it’s amazing
Ugh, what stupid unhelpful comments from the doctor >:( It really is a good thing you’re so determined, that might be the last blow for a lot of moms to give up. I hope you can enjoy your trip, at least nursing n the beach will be fun!
Thank you for letting us share in your journey… very inspiring! I admire your determination to not give up on breast milk for Joey, even though it makes things harder on you! I wish you all the best and lots of strength for your trip!!
I’m sorry, Emily. I know this isn’t the news you wanted. Obviously Joey getting enough is the top priority, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt and isn’t disappointing to have to do it this way. I’m so glad he has such a committed momma to give him the very best, even when it is such a big commitment! The whole doctor thing is so frustrating too. It’s no wonder that so many mommas who face struggles end up formula feeding, when our doctors aren’t better educated. Huge hugs to you! I hope your trip is full of lots of great family time!
I am sorry you had to go back to pumping, but I am happy that you are educated enough to know what is best for Joey. and your friend who is pumping for you is totally amazing (but we already knew that). I hope your trip for your sisters wedding is not super stressful and that you guys have a great time.